Are You Living The Life You Want?
At what point is it more important to live the life you want vice the one that benefits others. By others I mean adults. If you have children (under 18 years old), your responsibility to them outweighs desires you have. This may not seem fair to you especially if they are very young and you are looking at many years before you can make changes. Too bad, they didn’t have a vote on who their parents would be, so you have to suck it up and provide the best you can. What that “best you can” is needs to an agreement between the adults.
In your post-child years, do you make the life you want? At what cost do you do this to others? Obviously if you can find a compromise that satisfies each then that would be optimal. However, that is rarely the case. No matter how hard you may want to not hurt anyone, someone usually “loses.” What cost do you take to be fulfilled?
I struggle with these questions. This isn’t about self-pity or being some kind of martyr. It is about getting my life to a place where I am content. Does that have to come at the expense of others? In my case it probably does. What is fair? What are my obligations given the choices I made? I am not talking about minor inconveniences here. Every relationship has its ebb and flows. However, when the point comes where the issues really impact the relationship changes need to be implemented.
What is absolutely required is having those difficult conversations. By keeping in my feelings, I am not only lying to them but also to myself. The conversation is not selfish, the silence is. The easier path is to remain quiet and go along like all is well. Easier is not better. Honesty is better. Commitments have consequences. But that does not mean you can’t discuss how that commitment has gone vice how you expected it too. Be honest, have the conversations. My life depends on it.
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