8 May 2018 How Do You Deal With Challenging Family Members?

How Do You Deal With Challenging Family Members?

I think everyone has challenges with family members at some time, it is just inevitable.  A lot times it is just a disagreement that settles itself in a few days.  However, there are times when the issue becomes serious enough to cause damage to the relationship(s).

How you deal with this can mean the difference between resolution or crisis. This is especially true when it involves multiple family members.  Trying to resolve family disputes via e-mail or text message is pointless.  You can’t convey emotion or inflection.  It is not only important what you say but how you say it. Real challenges mean you need to meet to resolve.  Now, resolution may not be to everyone’s liking but it will get settled faster if you can communicate in person.

As hard as it can be, it is critical that you stay as unemotional as possible. Once emotions with loud voices and accusations enter in the mix, the situation will quickly degenerate and the usual result is things will be worse.  If it is a group discussion, someone will always try to take it to the emotional level. Be the adult and cut it off or do not let it escalate.  This usually happens when the discussion only involves peers (e.g brothers, sisters, cousins).  If the mother is involved, most will try to be a little more respectful. 

I am trying to decide if there are times where people should “let it all out.” They may feel better for it, but I can’t believe it helps.  It would hard to take someone’s point of view seriously if they started yelling.  

The question you need to ask yourself is, “Is this issue so serious you are willing to break off interaction with a family member?”  There may very well be issues that this course of action is ok.  However, you need to be absolutely sure.  I mean really sure.  No one wins in that scenario.  In fact, everyone needs to feel they “won.”  A winner/loser mentality is not the answer.  

Family dynamics are a minefield.  Be very sure that you think before you speak.  Silence is not always consent, but it may be the best way to go.