4 May 2018 Who Do You Need To Forgive?

Who Do You Need To Forgive?

One thing I wasted a lot of energy on over the years was holding a grudge against someone.  I mean a couple were many decades long.  Looking back, I now know nothing positive came from it.  Yes, the level of intensity did diminish over time, but I would still think about.

The one I had to let go of seems so trivial now.  In fact, it is embarrassing to even talk about it.  I was in Little League baseball when I was 12 years old. The coaches had their sons on every team.  I had a good year.  Two people from each team are selected to represent the area on the all-star team. I knew I was one of the two. However, the coach picked his son instead of me.  I was crushed.  I could not understand how he did that.  I viewed it as so unfair.  I thought the best person gets the positions.  It was my first introduction to reality.  I saw this repeated in other sports.  If the coaches’ son is on the team, he got the better positions and playing time.  

As I said this slight burned within me for a very long time.  I hated that coach.  We lived in a small town, so I was going to run into him every now and then, especially since his son was in my grade in school.  

I wanted nothing to do with him.  I didn’t even want to be cordial and say hello.  In fact, I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but my parents would be very disappointed in me if I did.   I think the last time I ever saw him was my 10^thgrade in school.  But, let it go…no.  I let it eat at me for many years.  

So much time and energy wasted.  Was he a bad guy, no.  Did he deliberately single me out, no.  I don’t think my parents thought twice about.  They did not see it as a big deal.  I told them some 30 years later how mad I was about it.

I now see the value of just letting things go.  Focus on today.  Replaying the negative thoughts over and over served no purpose. Did the coach really need to be forgiven, probably not.  But in forgiving him I am able to distance myself from something that caused a lot of internal stress to me.  I do remind myself at times, a grudge from Little League!! Are you kidding me.  But I let that pass too.